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Posts Tagged ‘journey’


I have had my dream – like others –
and it has come to nothing, so that
I remain now carelessly
with feet planted on the ground
and look up at the sky –
feeling my clothes about me,
the weight of my body in my shoes,
the rim of my hat, air passing in and out
at my nose – and decide to dream no more.


William Carlos Williams

” The most exquisite paradox: As soon as you give it all up you can have it all. ”  Bab Ram Dass


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dark night of the soul

“At this stage the cosmological dark side rises up like a black mountain to bar the way. Death returns, the ugliness of society returns, and the personal devil returns, all dancing like puppets on the strings of nihilism, meaninglessness, suffering, and heedless despair at the impersonal nature of the cosmos. There is no answer that we can comprehend, no purpose of life that we can understand. At this point, we’re each on our own – and its not very comforting to know that the books say we’ll live through it.”
– William Carl Eichman

“Somewhere along the journey of remembering who we really are, we may find ourselves in a very uncomfortable space, a void in which we realize that we haven’t totally let go of our old beliefs, and on the other hand we have yet to fully plug into the new truths we have discovered. This awkward “place of mind” can bring on an internal crisis of uncertainty, instability, confusion, frustration, and a most unspeakable despair as the “dark night” sets in and makes its presence felt.”
– Nicholas Schmidt


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Kahlil Gibran

AND a woman spoke, saying, Tell us of Pain.

And he said:

Your pain is the breaking of the shell
that encloses your understanding.

Even as the stone of the fruit must break,that its
heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.

And could you keep your heart in wonder
at the daily miracles of your life, your pain
would not seem less wondrous than your joy;

And you would accept the seasons of your
heart, even as you have always accepted
the seasons that pass over your fields.

And you would watch with serenity
through the winters of your grief.

Much of your pain is self-chosen.

It is the bitter potion by which the
physician within you heals your sick self.

Therefore trust the physician, and drink
his remedy in silence and tranquillity:

For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided
by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips,
has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter
has moistened with His own sacred tears.

:- a poem by Kahlil Gibran from “The Prophet”

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along the way

“I’ve always loved friends of the Way
Always held them dear
Meeting a stranger with silent springs
Greeting a guest talking zen
Talking about mysteries on a moonlit night
Searching for truth until dawn
When the tracks of our inventions
disappear and we see who we really are.”
– Cold Mountain

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It has been years since i took the time to rewind a movie and write down the words being spoken. I did after watching Heaven and Earth. I think the last time was many years ago while watching the Piano. Something Ada said resonated with my life at that time of undergoing the beginning phases of awakening of K Ma without a frame, language, or understanding.

“At night! I think of my piano in its ocean grave, and sometimes of myself floating above it. Down there everything is so still and silent that it lulls me to sleep. It is a weird lullaby and so it is; it is mine. There is a silence where hath been no sound / There is a silence where no sound may be / In the cold grave, under the deep deep sea.”

I saw the Piano a year before going into the Void experience. I would lie still and meditate and would go to the ground of being, self would dissolve and there was just dark spaciousness without any sense of boundaries or self. Each time was a diving into dying and finding open expansion. The above words where like a godsend for they expressed a bit of the space where i did not have words.

These words by Phang Thi Le Ly captured so much  feel these  20 years later.

Heaven and Earth is an Oliver Stone movie, i believe the third in a trilogy of Vietnam. It portrays the life experience of Phang Thi Le Ly that co-authored the two memoirs on which the film is based. This is a great movie.

This part of the movie was when Thi Le Ly had returned to Vietnam, after coming to America where she continued to a new kind of hell with her American PTSD affected husband. The first is Thi Le Ly listening to her Mother’s final blessing of her life and then moves into a Le Ly reflecting on her life:

Le Ly’s Mother:  “My Le Ly you have completed your circle of growth; low tide to high tide, poor to abundant, sad to happy, beggar to be a fine lady, the past is now complete My destiny of your Mother is now over.”

Le Ly: “That night i slept in the house of father had built, afterward he found no need to visit me in my dreams.”

” I gave my offering to all the dead of the village. I had come home, yes. But home had changed and i would always be in between South and North, East and West, peace and war, Vietnam and America. It is my fate to be in between Heaven and Earth. When we resist our fate we suffer, when we accept it we are happy. We have time and abundance and eternity to repeat our mistakes, but we need only once correct our mistakes and are at last, hear the song of enlightenment, where we break the chain of vengeance forever. In your heart you can hear it now, it is the song your spirit has been singing since the moment of your birth.

If the monks are right and nothing happens without cause, then the gift of suffering is to bring us closer to God. To teach us to be strong where we are weak, to be brave when we are afraid, to be wise when we are in the midst of confusion, and to let go of that which we can no longer hold. Lasting victories are won in the heart,not on this land or that.”

I do not believe in suffering, but i have known suffering. . .and all people have varying degrees of suffering and it is possible to overcome suffering. Most of us come into the world whole but in darkened awareness of our wholeness, we quickly grow an ego that wants all kinds of things to fill the holes. We are born into a body that rises and falls, lives and dies, the body is corruptible and will go through a dying process that involves suffering for many people. To deny that for our self and especially as a judgment for others is to lose our compassion.

But having said that, I deeply believe it is possible to rise above suffering, for I have. There comes a place where as we loose attachment for the physical as being our identity. We are able to shift our identity to a truer space, and suffering turns into a pain that can more easily be released.

I have observed animals in pain. Often times veterinarians says that animals do not experience pain. I do not agree. They experience pain, but unlike us humans they do not contract and hold on to the pain. Most of our suffering comes from holding on to pain and turning it into a badge or identity, expressing as enhancement or deficiency. Ugh!. . .turning into neurosis. And those too can be endearing or maddening.

For me the process of becoming has led to transcending the attachment to suffering. I can best represent that with the simple Tao symbol. For years i danced back and forth with pain and pleasure, me not me, good and bad, all the dualities which clutch and pull one into wanting something other than how it is. When i was not accepting what is and thinking something out there could fill it or something that did not occur was the cause, that turned to suffering. But there comes a time we take responsibility and rather than projecting something unfinished or unacknowledged out there as the cause of our suffering we learn to contain it. At that place of containing something miraculous can occur instead of identifying with the yin/yang of suffering attachment/rejection, we can find with the circle that has everything within. At that place suffering dissolves and something else occurs; because we have learned to embrace all within, we find we can honor others and allow them to be as they are without judgment or contraction.

Suffering was once a teacher, and i gave suffering the knife time and time again she wielded it against me until one day i said, ” No more, i shall not resist, i embraced it all, come here dear suffering, for you are so afraid of dying, and suffering you are just a way to keep me separate from the most profound embrace of love and oneness with all. Come here suffering let me hold you for a moment as you disappear.”

Now i know suffering is so very different than pain, pain is part of life, and suffering is when i block or move into defense to keep from feeling what is . . . and what is amazing is once one can just feel “what is” without judgment, blame, or shame . . . it turns into  lightness and validation which strengthens the heart and soul.

Soon the embrace of life, both pain and pleasure, brought a wholeness  ” such as it is “, ” and this too”. . . .

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nobody

Why are you unhappy?

Because 99.9 percent

Of everything you think,

And everything you do,

Is for yourself —
.
And there isn’t one.

Wei Wu Wei

” The game is not about becoming somebody, it ‘s about becoming nobody.”

Ram Dass

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poem by Thich Nhat Hanh

You are me and I am you.

It is obvious that we are inter-are.

You cultivate the flower in yourself so that I will be beautiful.
I transform the garbage in myself so that you do not have to suffer.

I support you, you support me.

I am here to bring you peace you are here to bring me joy.

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From Chapter Children of the Orient by LLwellyn Vaughn Lee

The feminine carries the connections of all life within her, and for many centuries this has been her secret. Even when masculine degraded and punished her, abused and rejected her instinctual understanding, still she carried this wisdom, even as it became hidden from her own conscious knowing. Now this wisdom is needed. It can no longer be hidden,but needs to become conscious. Women carry understand in the cells of their body. They feel the pulse of life in a way that is inaccessible to men. The cells of a woman’s body carry a light that is not present in a man’s body. This is because she is part of the sacred mystery of creation. She is always a part of the whole of life Her knowing is not abstract but lived.

The connections of life carry the seeds of the future, of what is being given to humanity. It is through these connections that the energy of life flows Our understanding of the energy flow of life depends upon our knowledge of the interconnectedness of all of life and how these connections are made. We also need to know how connections can be damaged, torn, destroyed, and how to repair, to mend what has been broken. We need to regain the knowledge of how the threads of life are woven, how the tapestry of creation is formed. We need to bring this feminine wisdom into consciousness so that we can learn to relate to the whole of life.

We need to regain an understanding of the dynamics of the relationships that bind together all of creation. The feminine holds this natural knowing within her. It is a part of her instinctual connection to life: she contains withing her body the sacred essence of creation. But to protect this sacred knowing from the ravages of the patriarchy and its misuse of power, she hid her wisdom. It was never written down in books, but transmitted from mother to daughter, from priestess to initiate. Then when the wise women were persecuted and burned, when it became no longer safe to have any access to this knowing, it was pushed into the unconscious.

Many times in the course of humanity, esoteric wisdom has been hidden and so protected from misuse. Sometimes this wisdom can never be regained: for example, many of he secrets of sacred geometry have been lost forever. But if there is a real need, then the wisdom can be recovered. Certain scarifies have to be made, however. The women who hold this knowledge are still fearful of the power of the patriarchy and its potential for misuse. They carry in their ancient memories the scars of persecution, and often a deep anger towards the masculine. But they have to put aside their own misgivings, and bring their inner knowing into the light of consciousness. Certain connections need to be made within the foreseeable future.

If the connections of life are made known, then light can travel through these connections, awakening centers of consciousness within humanity. The light of masculine consciousness cannot find these centers without the full participation of the feminine. The connections cannot be made that will awaken them. Without the activation of these centers of consciousness, humanity cannot take the next step in its spiritual evolution It will not have access to the wisdom, power, and love that it needs. Humanity will then remain fragmented, rather than learning to function as a dynamic, interrelated whole. Patters of energy flow around the planet will remain dormant, or function on a lower level. Once again humanity will have missed an opportunity.

Certain women have already made this step, and a certain knowledge has been given back to humanity. But the next step is the most difficult, because this involves the knowledge that is held withing the physical body of woman. Women have been physically abused for so many centuries that this knowledge is covered in pain and anger. To bring this knowledge into the open would require a degree of vulnerability that is frightening. Yet it is necessary. Without the full participation of the feminine, the energy of oneness cannot become part of the earth. The physical body of the feminine is the connection between heaven and earth. Without the connection a quality of boy and belonging to God cannot be lived; oneness will not be made manifest.

Through suffering life can be made holy. A woman know this in her body. Through suffering the immortal spirit takes on form, the soul comes into manifestation. This is not self-inflected or self-indulgent suffering, not the suffering behind which we hide, that protects us from life or our self. This is the suffering that life brings us naturally, that is part of the destiny of the soul. Suffering can transform us and help us remember who we are. It can lift the coverings of the soul. In the words of Keats, this world of tears is also the “the vale of Soulmaking”.

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the suffering of the Earth


Women carry in their body not only the consciousness of their own suffering of the collective and personal suffering, but also the suffering of the earth. Women carry the imprint of all creation within their body; it is part of their instinctual relationship to the whole of life, the sacred bond that women have with life. The suffering of the earth, wounded and desecrated by a patriarchal culture that sees God only in heaven, is held within the cellular structure of every woman. The pain that many women feel in the core of their being is also the unacknowledged paoin of the earth, whose very eco-system in now inn danger. This suffering needs to be accepted and sanctified; otherwise the energy of life cannot flow freely within the earth.
The earth has cried and women have felt its tears. In these tars a deep sorrow and wounding are acknowledged and through the heart offered to Him who is source of all sorrow and all joy. On our individual journey, sorrow takes us deeper within our self, for ” God enters through a wound.” Through the world’s sorrow a healing can take place in which the consciousness of divine love can be infused into the hidden places of the earth, as well as the bodies of women. This love can link the two worlds in a way that has not happened before. Through it Divine grace can flow freely bringing alive the meaning and magic that lie at the core of creation, the secret of the word Kun! (Be).
If women are prepared to recognize the sacred dimension of their own and earth’s suffering at the hands of the patriarchy, to see that it is part of the mysterious destiny of the soul of our world, then much can be redeemed. We can step fro the arena of personal antagonism into the landscape of our larger destiny, and the forces of life can flow in a new way. The divine can become conscious more completely, the oneness become known more fully. The soul of the world is crying to be heard, and only those who have suffered can fully recognize Her. Behind the veil of her tears she has a new face, and in her eyes the stars are again visible. But we cannot wait too long in the antechamber of the heart. The soul of the world needs to know she has been heard, so that her tears can be washed away by the waters of life. Then once again life can become sacred. Only then can the joy of life returns to each moment. Only then can the imprint of Her face become visible, the glory of Her oneness be made known.
To live this dream takes courage and foolishness.
Llwellyan Vaughn Lee

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A spiritual journey

And the world cannot be discovered by a journey of miles,
no matter how long,
but only by a spiritual journey,
a journey of one inch,
very arduous and humbling and joyful,
by which we arrive at the ground at our feet,
and learn to be at home.

Wendall Berry

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